I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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