o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
