Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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