phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
