I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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