I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize