I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize