It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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