she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
