Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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