@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
