get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
