we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
