there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize