note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
