I'm so fucking centered right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she peed on how many people?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
