It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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