The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
