You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
