If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
