I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
