im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
