I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize