and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
