I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
