I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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