This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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