For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize