Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
