I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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