Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
