woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
