I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
