Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
