that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
