roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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