i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
