Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
