I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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