I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
