Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
