Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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