Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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