Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize