Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
