I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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