I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
