i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
