At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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