Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
