you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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