ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
