We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
