Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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