i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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