Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
