Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are the jesus of drinking
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
