I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
