I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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