i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
God, I missed his penis.
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