Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
