my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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