I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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