My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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