Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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